So by now Lukus and I were dating, but nothing had really changed from before. We still hung-out all the time, we still had classes together, and everything was just as it had been freshman year. Except for the awkwardness. Except for the fact that Lukus wouldn’t hold my hand or put his arm around me or in any way actually act like he said he felt. It was incomprehensible to me. I would sit next to him in class, absolutely freezing and shivering my buns off, rubbing my arms vigorously, and he would sit there without the slightest inclination of putting his arm around me even if only to keep me warm.
This bothered me to no end. Was I dating a robot? How did it work to be dating/pursuing our relationship/courting or whatever you wanna call it, without having any displays of affection? It was hard to tell what was genuinely him, and what came out of his beliefs about dating. I consulted my mom about this and, though she was never easy to talk to about romantic relationships, she completely understood my bewilderment at Lukus’ lack of affection. Then she said something I never expected to hear from my own mother: “Well, my goodness! You can’t know if you’re compatible with someone at all unless you kiss them! You might realize that you don’t like someone at all once you kiss them.” I felt like I was being given advice from Betty Everett and at any moment my mom would break out in the song “It’s in His Kiss.”
I brought it up to Lukus. He clearly felt torn, like he understood how I felt, but at the same time, had this view of kissing that was almost damning. We went through a couple of months of arguing over the issue. For me, it wasn’t just about “getting to kiss him”. It was about us not at all understanding one another’s backgrounds or beliefs. We were indeed figuring out if we were compatible, all over “kissing” or rather not kissing.
Christmas time came around along with finals and winter break. I went down to Texas to spend Christmas with my family at my sister’s and Lukus went home to Oklahoma City. Things were “okay” between us, but there was definitely some frustration. We’d been “dating” for three months now and couldn’t even hold hands. Where was the Lukus from the letters he’d written all summer? How had anything at all changed from when we were “just friends”? I simply didn’t agree with his stance on the issue, but what could I do? He’d even mentioned not kissing until we were engaged, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get engaged to someone about whom I knew nothing of their expression of affection.
At the same time, I missed Lukus terribly over Christmas break. Christmas lacked its luster. Meals were dull. Presents were unappealing. Conversations were uninspired. I missed my best friend who also happened to be very pleasant to look at. All semester long, we lived in adjacent towers, ate together, went to class together, attended church together and spent about every spare moment in between together, and here was Christmas, and he wasn’t here. But then, he called. He was coming to see me. And suddenly, Christmas felt magical again.
When he arrived, he had Christmas presents for me, something I hadn’t expected, and hadn’t prepared by getting him anything. Among the presents, I came to a little wrapped box. Earrings? A necklace? I opened it up, and to my surprise, it was a ring. I’d only gotten a quick glimpse, wondering how to respond. My sister looked at the ring and looked at me with surprise. My mom looked at Lukus. He said nothing. I looked at the ring again and realized it was a carved little silver ring that Lukus had bought because it was my style, without thinking of other possible ways I might interpret opening up a ring box. The moment of awkwardness passed and Lukus and I decided to go to downtown Fort Worth to catch a movie.
We had plenty of time before our movie started, so I decided to show Lukus one of my favorite spots in the world. It was the duck pond at Trinity Park where my family and I had gone so often when I was a child. We walked around the park in the blustering cold, traversed the pond and arrived at the deck overlooking the pond. Lukus put his arms around me a hugged me and the cold didn’t seem so bad standing right there. Then, of all things unexpected and pleasantly surprising, and without a single word being said, Lukus leaned down and kissed me.
This was no peck on the lips, people. This was a real kiss, and for a guy who’d never done this before, he sure knew what he was doing! During that kiss, I went from shock (that he’d decided it was time) to enjoyment (that he was so good at the activity) to elation (if ya wanna know, if he loves ya so, shoop shoop…) to dizziness. Yes dizziness. For the first time in my life, my knees nearly buckled under the power of a kiss, and I noticed he was just a teensy bit woozy himself.
Apparently, we were, indeed, compatible.
