I’ve shared before about my struggles with depression in this post, and it seemed that acknowledging it “publicly” was the catalyst I needed to actually do something about it. A good friend recommended a medical doctor in Tulsa who uses a natural approach, which is exactly what I’ve been hoping to find. I’ve been stubbornly against a pharmaceutical drug because of the long-term effects it can have on your system. Lukus recently told me about an NPR interview with a physician who explained that synthetic drugs end up working against your system. As with any foreign entity in your body, your body’s system goes to fight the foreign element, which turns out one of two ways: your body will become dependent on the drug and not be able to produce it’s own hormones anymore, or your body will defeat the drug rendering it useless. But I haven’t had much luck with naturopaths either, who have offered wonky solutions like “sniffing flower essences daily and going to bed and rising with the sun.” Sorry, but I’m not a farmer and that’s just not going to happen.
Seeing a specialist provided a lot of mixed emotions though. On the one hand, it seemed a little insulting that my unique set of troubles that have partly defined who I am just might be merely chemical. And what about those dark days that have brought out the artist in me and produced some of the works I’m most proud of? Were they simply the result of a chemical imbalance rather than an authentic outpouring of my soul? On the other hand, I wanted some legitimacy to my “issues”. I needed to know that those mornings that I’ve lied in bed crying were not just because I’m a self-indulgent wimp who perversely enjoys feeling sorry for myself. Basically, I wanted to be told that I was dealing with a chemical imbalance which could be easily leveled out so that I could fully be there for my family and friends, AND I wanted to be told that everything I’ve felt in the past was real and not a just a hormonal version of an acid trip.
Which turned out to be essentially what the doctor told me. Unlike using an anti-depressant drug, using a natural approach to dealing with a chemical imbalance is less about changing how I feel and more about changing my ability to handle those feelings. After blood, urine and saliva testing, as well as keeping a journal of mood and physical fluctuations, if it turned out that there was an imbalance, specific supplements, vitamins, and perhaps certain hormones would be used to help my body rebalance itself so that the supplements would (hopefully) become unnecessary. Along with proper sleep, diet and exercise, my God-given personality could continue to exist without the drastic roller coaster of emotions.
I’m simultaneously excited, and scared that it won’t work. I’m anxious to get the doctor’s recommendations, and nervous that I won’t be able to follow through. I’m terrified of continuing to share this journey with you all, and yet feel as though I need to, for my own benefit as well as the benefit of someone else out there who may be going through the same thing. I hope too, somehow, this makes a difference in helping people understand their loved ones who deal with depression. And most of all, if I can be so candidly selfish, I want to come back here soon and simply write that I’m truly, consistently at peace in my soul for the first time since I was seven years old.
I applaud both your introspective nature and your quest for balance. Our hormones are intricately interwoven with our God-given personalities and, along with our life experiences, make up that which we call our “true self.” Perhaps your chemical imbalances create sort of a caricature of the real Ell and, once balanced, the God’s real Ell can shine more brilliantly than ever. True, many artistic types throughout history suffered more than the average person with unexplained, gut-wrenching angst, but who says that’s desirable and/o normal? We were made to live in balance; our hormones control everything in our bodies including our brains, so why wouldn’t we want those to be balanced as well? I recently had four vials of blood drawn at a ob/gyn’s office – he specializes in bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. Soon I’ll find out what my hormones are doing, too . . . blessings on your journey to become everything God intended you to be, without the hindranceof out-of-balance hormornes or chemicals, etc.
I agree, Christine. I admit there’s a bit of the “tortured artist” syndrome that a part of me wants to hold on to, but I’ve gotten to the point that being in balance is far more important to me – and with the explanation from the doctor, my entire personality won’t have to change like I was afraid of. I hope you too get some clear-cut answers.
Whoa, I seriously misread the title of this blog. I thought it said “The Question of CHEMTRAILS…” ROFL. I thought, “Wow, Ellie sure is putting herself out there with a topic like that!” Haha. But then I read your blog and realized my error. I know this is a serious blog but I know your other side too and you can find humor in morbid things like I can. That’s one of the many reasons why we get along.
Anyway, I really am praying the holistic approach helps you. I totally dislike the approach of Western medicine, although, I admit that it can and does save lives and helps many people. However, sometimes the price they pay is great. It will cure one problem, yet cause a handful of new ones. But if you have no choice, Western medicine can be useful.
I believe that God created everything our bodies need to be well in nature. The problem though is that in America, we don’t eat natural foods. We eat pesticides, chemicals, artificial flavors and colors, preservatives, fillers and FAT and SUGAR, and lots of it! Plus, even if we do try to eat natural, the foods are now genetically modified and our bodies no longer know how to digest them, so we become allergic to them or develop food sensitivities.
Ok, wow, am I writing a blog here? Sorry! My point is that I fully believe in the natural approach, but it requires a lot of trial and error and patience. Don’t give up though. You’re on the right track. If things don’t work out with the specialist you are seeing, let me know. I am working with one who is so amazing, but I just started so I don’t know if his stuff helps or not!
Love you and praying for your whole family. You guys have been through a lot. Seems like we all have, actually. I think it’s the times we’re living in though. We’d love another visit sometime too, if you guys are up for the drive. Miss you all!
Rachel, haha! Yeah, I do love that morbid humor – kinda hoping my new “supplements” won’t change that too much
You’re awesome in so many ways! Have I mentioned you’re my favorite author!???!!! lol.
I have several clients that have come to me for natural solutions, so I have begun to learn about natural methods for depression and anxiety. I would so love to sit down with you and learn from your experience with the doctor, testing, etc., if you’re up for it.
Yeah, I’d love to get together, Lori – if we can ever work it out, haha!